This was published in McCalls, August 1968
A PSYCHIATRIST'S NOTEBOOK
By Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.
QUESTION: A man friend of mine insists that women who are somewhat sexually promiscuous are more sophisticated, liberated people than those who aren't. What is your opinion?
Psychiatrically speaking, if they were sexually liberated, they would not be promiscuous - somewhat or otherwise. I think that your friend is confusing sexual freedom and promiscuity. Sexual freedom involves a choice as to when, where, and with whom an individual wants to have a sexual relationship. Promiscuity is a function of anxiety. It is a symptom. The sexually promiscuous person is choicelessly driven from one partner to another, in an effort to feel less anxious. I say choiceless because she in fact has no choice. She is suffering from a compulsion to "act out" sexually. Sex for her often has little to do with relatedness and invariably proves to be disappointing. The promiscuous people I have seen in treatment were usually anything but sophisticated or liberated. These terms are hardly suitable to describe what is really an effort to rationalize unresolved infantile yearnings; a strong need to rebel against authority and an overpowering and very conventional conscience; an extremely immature sexual outlook; and a marked inability to sustain a mature relationship on any level - especially the sexual level.
In my opinion, a woman must be capable of an exclusive, sustained, involved (investing emotions and caring about) heterosexual relationship, to be liberated and sophisticated sexually.
QUESTION: My husband needs constant excitement - people, nightclubs, parties, movies - go, go, go. He is just never satisfied to occasionally sit at home and relax, and frankly, I don't think I can stand it much longer. Is there any explanation for this kind of person or any way to change him?
Many people need this kind of constant stimulation to feel safely alive. Without excitement and anticipation of excitement, they feel cut off, depressed, and anxious. Being on the go is for them a major defense against feelings of inner deadness and emptiness. To be left alone, without people and stimulation, often feels like impending doom and can produce anxiety to the point of panic. The principal antidote for a feeling of inner deadness is, of course, confidence in oneself and one's values.
For these inner-dead, supercharged excitement seekers, psychoanalytic treatment is often necessary, in order to achieve a real feeling for self and for others. Successful treatment can produce feelings of real aliveness. This will reduce the need for constant and increasing amounts of stimulation and thus be lifesaving.
QUESTION:
I'm in my sixth month of pregnancy. I want a baby very much, and right now I feel fine. But I was quite moody on and off during the first few months. I know there's a theory that the mother's mood during pregnancy can have an effect on the child's personality and mental health. I've also heard that the first year of the child's life is psychologically all-important. How much truth do you feel there is in these ideas?
I know of no scientific evidence to support he mother's mood during pregnancy theory. However, how she feels after she has delivered her baby may or may not be a continuation of her attitude and moods during pregnancy. The tiniest infant "knows" and responds inside himself to how his mother feels. He often knows about her feelings before she does. He does not need words or ideas to know in this way. He knows with the totality of all his feelings and through all his conceivable perceptions - in short, with his entire being. Through his skin and his senses of touch and pressure, he will know whether his mother is at ease, warm, enveloping, protective, and loving, or anxious, tense, distant, cold, and rejecting. He will know how sensitive she is to his condition by her response to his various tensions - needing food, a change of diaper, a warmer or cooler room, needing to be burped, etc. His earliest attitudes about the world will be largely predicated on these needs and her responses. From the very beginning, the world can seem warm, safe, and wonderful - or cold, harsh, and potentially dangerous. Remember that the microcosm of his mother and himself is to him, in his infancy, the entire universe.
Remember also that the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord) is not fully formed at birth. Since it in a state of semi-completion and formation following birth, it is extremely impressionable. I believe that during the early days of central-nervous-system completion, whatever is conveyed to the baby becomes part and parcel of his very subsistence. It all registers and is bound to have a profound effect on his personality and emotional life. Please also remember, however, that he will continue to develop and grow in later life. The development of personality is not the sole province of infancy. I have seen relatively early mistakes rectified and difficult problems solved. Generally, most mothers are best able to do what is right when left to their own devices.
QUESTION:
Do you believe it's better to give a child sex education at home or in school?
If it is good sex education - in both places.
Children will learn at home from their parents' attitudes. If their parents have a healthy attitude towards sex and if they have real affection for each other, this will inevitably be conveyed to their children. Stilted, prissy, sadistic, or exhibitionistic parental sexual feelings and actions will also be conveyed and will have destructive effects.
School is an excellent place for providing all kinds of formal learning, and sex is no exception. Here as in other areas education is best conveyed by the educated.
QUESTION:
Have you found any one psychiatric problem common to grossly overweight people?
A great many of the grossly overweight people I have seen in consultation and treatment suffered from an inability to handle angry feelings. A large percentage of them were almost totally unaware that they were very angry people. As treatment progressed, it was evident that they had harbored resentment, grudges, and vindictive feelings for years. Many temper tantrums had been converted to wild eating sprees.
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Background information on Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.
from Wikipedia:
Theodore Isaac Rubin was an American psychiatrist and author. Rubin is a past president of the American Institute for Psychoanalysis and the Karen Horney Institute for Psychoanalysis. He lived in New York City and was married to Eleanor Katz.
Wikipedia
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And also in this issue, we see how kids played, dressed, and I remember getting toilet paper to match your bathroom décor.
